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Now you can consult the Idiot's Guide for the latest up to the minute advice on transforming your dull boring life into a new exciting rockabilly lifestyle!

First of all in your quest to become rockabilly you should remember to never EVER refer to rockabilly as rockabilly.

If this is too hard, then just make a couple of bands up! We know you can't build a car, (THIS IS AGAIN ONLY FOR MORE ADVANCED ROCKABILLIES). You can hang out around it and make people think its yours when he goes to take a piss or when he's busy fighting off all the hot girls he's attracted cause he has a car, (and you don't). If you're a chick, just bend over to point out some doohickey or another on the guy's car, "OOOoooo, I just luuuuuvvvvvv your air filter!

There are a million obscure rockabilly bands from back then and no one knows ALL of them, (except Mark Lee Allen. (Now remember, this is only a beginners book, so you may want to consult my follow up book, THE IDIOTS GUIDE TO HOTRODS.) First off, '57 Chevys are not cool. " When you're cleavage comes popping out of your tiny size 4 dress he'll be hooked, and you'll have a car to hang out on! (You can steal this from mom's fridge if need be, this is important shit!

Complete your outfit with high heels which will give you blisters within 5 minutes of having them on your feet and you're off! Throw around some big names, like Carl Perkins, Charlie Feathers, or Wanda Jackson.

But remember, if you're going to do that you need to know a few of their songs. This may be too pricey for you however, (especially after the guy who's selling you the car takes one look at your improperly cuffed jeans and lack of sailor tattoos, and jacks the price up on ya).

If they make it in leopard print then you need to go buy it. It doesn't matter if you're so damn pale that black hair will make you look like you've just risen from the grave, it's mandatory.

For evening: Get yourself a few saucy vintage dresses on Ebay. Now, it's true all vintage dresses are size 4s and you're a 10. Now that you've got your hair all dyed and greased and your jeans cuffed to regulation length you're ready to move onto the real meat of the rockabilly lifestyle.

Stay away from that guy if you're gonna talk about music because he'll see right through you). I know, know, this is not what you've learned from watching Grease over and over, but its true. (Make sure the guy doesn't already have a girl though; those rockabilly girls can be mean with their spike heels! ) After you give the guy your mom's beer make SURE you say something about his car, "Nice fuckin air filter man". Wear your made-up car club jacket and you're on your way. We did however research it when we first heard about it, and then made a judgment based on our own research.

So you could say, for example, "I love those Sugar Beet Shakers! ) Guys, you can make friends with a guy with a car pretty easily too! We recommend dancers wanting to participate in competitions apply the same sound reasoning, and rigorous research, to this experience they would apply to buying a car or large screen TV - do your research before you start making an investment.

For example, one might say, "Jeez, the scene in Oregon is fuckin dead! " (Important note: liberal use of profanity is always rockabilly). Everything else can be put aside but you will NOT be rockabilly without those sideburns buddy. Standard greaser uniform is a T-shirt, (black with some logo of a custom shop in So Cal you've never been to), Converse, (call them your chucks), and jeans. Once you've mastered this basic uniform you may mix it up a little with some Dickies or add a car club jacket. Don't worry, NO ONE will ask you about your car cause they don't have one either!

Practice daily to rid yourself of the habit of saying rockabilly as soon as possible. " in the place of "cool" and "I jive" instead of "I agree." Refer to women as "kittens", " broads", "skirts", "dames", "doll" or even the cooler "dollface". Now, once your hair is to an acceptable rockabilly length, (you'll know because your mother will be pestering you to cut it), you need to apply grease. Make up a name and have it embroidered on your Dickies jacket down at the mall. Your club name could even be something really silly, like The Flying Coffins!




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