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We’re all somehow hard-wired to take risks whenever sex is involved, which doesn’t help!”“The other party has a right to know your status before committing themselves to a relationship, especially because non-disclosure could attract criminal charges.

You can’t disclose every tiny detail on the first date though; there’s a gradual process of mutual disclosure.“People very often don’t do that in casual relationships, and this causes trouble when a fling gradually turns into something serious.But the same girlfriend from the nightclub got to him first. Florence confirms that disclosing one’s status could be received either way.“I’ve had a man show up for our Valentine’s dinner after he found out.As they approach the point of becoming intimate, they should discuss issues like monogamy, contraception, and HIV.“Many don’t.The issues get ducked for a whole variety of reasons, the commonest being that they start being intimate using condoms, then one day ‘forget’ to use one, and then they can’t go back because that implies distrust.But I would never not use protection with anyone else except my wife.” James nods his agreement again. Florence believes that we are still stuck in the past when it comes our attitudes towards HIV, no matter what medical advancements we make.Thirty-year-old Mary and her previous boyfriend never had the HIV disclosure talk. But he was asking about my chances of falling pregnant, not my HIV status. ’” says Kennedy, a 33-year-old designer at an ad agency. She said, ‘I’m curious but it’s so impolite to come right out and ask.’ I mean, when you’ve gone out with me on several dates, I’m thinking that the prospect of being intimate is quite high, right? In her case, disclosure became a minefield after she found out her status.This is still the most stigmatised disease and I don’t want to come into a relationship from a point of shame. ‘HIV positive’ is not my identity.” Florence has been in her current relationship for three years.When does Florence think is the best time to disclose one’s status while dating?“Whether HIV negative or positive, take responsibility for (your) sexual health and initiate the conversation,” she says.“When a couple first realise that they’re starting a relationship, they should also start to be 100 per cent honest with one another.Most importantly, many people do not know their HIV status.But those who realise that something serious is starting should always give each other a broad-brush description of their relationship history (no details, just the basics).Few people are socialised to have the HIV disclosure conversation despite the fact that it is a key part of intimate relationships.Patrick* and James* are both married and in their late 50s.

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