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Much of what they describe, while conflict-laden and uncomfortable, doesn’t seem bad enough to have caused estrangement. Most of the parents I talk to are boomers, who share similar values and beliefs, including thoughts on how parents should be treated.Spock gave parents what he considered the best recipes for a healthy happy child.He believed that parents should be more flexible and affectionate with their children and should treat them as individuals.The truth is — I am estranged from my two adult sons.The truth is — I love my sons and I miss them every day.I believe that a culture of “self-esteem” — give everybody an award, change dress sizes so larger people feel smaller, allow teens to be disrespectful to those in authority — has set the tone and created a possible outcome I don’t think anyone expected: the idea that it’s OK to cut off contact with your parents.When something, or more specifically, , no longer supports the view you have of yourself — get rid of them!With more permissions, more social pressures and changes to the traditional family structure, I believe the shift in parenting that started back in the ‘40s needs to be examined.Has a change in parenting style led to the rise of narcissism in subsequent generations over time, resulting in the ability of adult children to cut off their parents without much thought or concern for the consequences?According to a survey of estranged people conducted through my website, out of 907 respondents, 82 percent of the adult children who are currently estranged from their parents acknowledged their parents’ past efforts to provide for them, but only 58 percent of those respondents report having any desire to have a relationship with the parent they are estranged from.At the same time, 76 percent of the adult children say that being estranged has affected their well-being (even though it appears to have been their choice).Relationships might feel better when there is no contact. Murray Bowen, credited with the most original new thinking about family systems since Freud and who coined the phrase “emotional cutoff” observed, the problems are just tucked away through estrangement, they are not resolved. Now, she’s teaching and writing about estrangement, while trying to bring peace and hope to those who have experienced this loss.The only way to move forward is to get to resolution. There is much more to say, but you need a conversation — you need actual interaction, not just silence.For me, the estrangement began over what I believed to be a misunderstanding.




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