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Too-soon too-intense over-sharing honesty (you’re experimenting with a new anti-depressant and it’s not going so well; your last breakup was devastating and now you hate all men and can’t have sex without bursting into tears; you sometimes find yourself sexually aroused by water buffalo) is not.And while online dating can be a great way to meet folks who share your particular sexual preferences or fetishes, tread carefully and remember that your actual face is attached to the information you’re putting up.Here are ten things to never write in an online profile: 1. Insulting the method — or the people using the method — of finding love that you’re currently giving a try is a huge turn-off. Don’t lie about your height, age or weight: you’ll be found out soon enough. (Hint: No one’s profile says “seeking bitter pessimist.”) 6. If your profile is ten times longer than everyone else’s, it won’t be given much attention. They shouldn’t be able to identify your specific place of work, home address, last name or personal contact information from your profile. Don’t demand that your future partner love, worship, and adore you.You’ll come across as condescending and judgmental. Don’t pretend to have a better job than you do, or that you’re more prepared for long-term commitment than you currently are. Be concise, clear, and watch out for typos and grammatical errors. Related to #6: Don’t be too vague or use too many clichéd phrases. Be careful to screen your photos, too: Don’t upload a pic of yourself in front of your new home, for example. Don’t list the qualities you believe you “deserve.” Instead, focus on what you have to offer. If you can’t put the time into filling out a simple dating profile, why would anyone assume you’d put the time investing into getting to know them? My friends could better answer this for you.” Good luck!If you like low-key creative types, share what it is you make. Put forward the version of yourself that’s most attractive to the person you’re trying to see naked.Online dating is like advertising: Know your ideal audience and target them by positioning yourself to be as appealing as possible.Keep your product’s major flaws out of the commercial.The obvious points of picking photos are to make them (1) flattering, and (2) accurate.

And seriously consider whether you want to publicize your wheelchair fetish, your juggalo ex-boyfriend or the crimes you regularly commit.

That photo where your skin looks all glowy and you can’t see your cankles? But the photo from 6 years, 25 pounds and two high-stress jobs ago?

Yes, you looked great, but you want to date someone who is attracted to you right now.

Stick to these rules, be kinda funny, try not to be a cliché machine (you love to laugh and couldn’t live without your family and friends?! ) and your profile should be at least marginally acceptable (and hopefully won’t end up here for the wrong reasons).

___If you've got your own online dating horror stories, drop them below, or submit them anonymously.




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