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Time to seal the deal—the last few minutes of a date are crucial to make sure a second date happen. Do you have any fun plans for the rest of the weekend? Of course this seasoned woman has had time and life enough to make these queries. At this point in my life, I have accumulated experiences and life lessons that I desire to share with a partner.I consider myself a wealthy woman since my friends and family are my treasures.While it would be easy to maintain my professional objectivity, what remains with me that is fodder for this post is how deeply and profoundly the concepts presented touch on my own journey.

The professional interviewer in me laughs at the Ally Mc Beal internal dialog absurdity of that scenario. If you could be any person for a day, who would it be? Do your parents still live in the house you grew up in? The other person has “been there, done that, got the t-shirt” too. My current definition involves two people who have a common and merged vision, who communicate it openly and who take steps daily to strengthen and support that bond.As a minister who has married over 300 couples since 1999, I have witnessed this dynamic with many of them.Sure, they’re kind of snoozy, but they’ll set the tone for your date, and give you immediate things to talk about: “ 1. What do you do, and how long have you been doing it? (L-r) RYAN GOSLING as Jacob and EMMA STONE as Hannah in Warner Bros. w=670" data-large-file="https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/crazy-stupid-love-movie-image-ryan-gosling-emma-stone-02.jpg? w=1024&h=683 1024w, https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/crazy-stupid-love-movie-image-ryan-gosling-emma-stone-02.jpg? w=2048&h=1366 2048w, https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/crazy-stupid-love-movie-image-ryan-gosling-emma-stone-02.jpg? w=150&h=100 150w, https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/crazy-stupid-love-movie-image-ryan-gosling-emma-stone-02.jpg? w=670&h=447 670w, https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/crazy-stupid-love-movie-image-ryan-gosling-emma-stone-02.jpg? w=768&h=512 768w" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" to be a precursor to an actual relationship, first dates are also mini-interviews disguised as social outings, whether we like to admit it or not. They’ll also further loosen the two of you up and can lead to some funny, entertaining conversation. Pictures’ comedy “CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.” a Warner Bros. " data-medium-file="https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/crazy-stupid-love-movie-image-ryan-gosling-emma-stone-02.jpg? That’s why figuring out what to talk about ahead of time with a list of good first date questions and conversation starters is so important. Are you more of a TV person, or do you prefer movies? Depending on the above answer, ask what they’re watching, or what they’ve seen lately. The trick to successfully vetting a prospect on a first date, while simultaneously keeping the energy light and fun, is knowing what questions to ask and how to ask them. What are their likes and dislikes, what do you have in common, what does he or she do in their spare time? For example, work, his or her family, hobbies, pop culture, and favorite music are all surefire bets. If you’re savvy, you’ll realize that certain questions–even the most basic ones—have the ability to tell a lot about a person. Control, abuse, addiction, emotional manipulation, my own co-dependent tendencies taking hold, selling my soul for love, financial irresponsibility, lying, expectation that I act as caregiver and primary emotional strength in the relationship and that I clean up the “messes,” literally or symbolically.It’s my take that relationship breakdown has a better chance of occurring because we don’t ask certain questions from the get-go and instead, make assumptions that love is enough to sustain it. I am a big believer in full disclosure; knowing that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy.So many people create new relationships on the wreckage of old interactions. I’ll live with myself 24/7 for the rest of my life and if I choose to blend my life with another’s, that is crucial.As Joe Jackson sagely says “You can’t get what you want, til you know what you want.” There are questions I didn’t ask myself in earlier years, both pre and post-marriage and conversations that I wish I had back then. My vivid imagination conjures up images of a dynamic, ever-growing “third entity” that combines the sum of the parts of the two of us.




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