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He’s worried about sedition in the royal family, and wants your advice as a consultant for how to ensure his government is stable.You travel to Riyadh, and find that the entire country is a mess. But the King is also an idiot, and refuses to believe you or listen to your recommendations. That’s what’s important and valuable in this twenty-first-century economy, right?

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You don’t find anything too damning, but you turn over what you’ve got. You call the police, and of course the CIA and NSA get involved, but he is never caught. The level of detective skills it would take in order to track you down and figure out your secret – it was astounding! You tell your handlers that you’re no longer up for the job.Black You know on an intellectual level that there are people who would choose something other than the black pill, just like you know on an intellectual level that there are people who shoot up schools.That doesn’t mean you expect to ever understand it.Everything is so easy for you that your body just shrugs it off effortlessly. You wish you had thought further before accepting a superpower that makes people love you when you touch them, but goes away after you touch them a second time. You move in together and are married a few contact-free months later.Somehow your BRUTE STRENGTH failed to anticipate this possibility. The sites you get don’t seem to bear on your specific problem, exactly, but they are VERY FASCINATING. Having people love you is a lot less sexy when you can’t touch them. They’ll just stop liking you when you touch them a second time. I’m the strongest person in the world.” He lifts your table over his head with one hand to demonstrate. Every so often you wonder what it would be like to stroke him, or feel his scrawny arm on your shoulder. You’re happy to just hang out, basking in how STRONG and ALPHA he is. That’s what’s important and valuable in this twenty-first-century economy, right? For example, ever since you took the grey pill, an increasingly large share of national GDP has come from ATMs giving you cash because you ask them to.If only there was a way to solve your problem by BEING VERY STRONG. You learn lots of surprising things about gender roles that you didn’t know before. You start to feel a deep sense of kinship with King Midas. You live alone with a bunch of cats who purr when you pet them, then hiss when you pet them again. You are immediately smitten by his BRUTE STRENGTH and ALPHA MALE BEHAVIOR. Your luck finally ends outside a bank in Kansas, when a whole squad of FBI agents ambushes you.It seems that women like men who have BRUTE STRENGTH. You leave the bodybuilding circuit behind and start frequenting nightclubs, where you constantly boast of your BRUTE STRENGTH to PROVE HOW ALPHA YOU ARE. One night you’re in a bar drinking your sorrows away when a man comes up to your table. You briefly consider going all Emperor Palpatine on their asses, but caution wins out and you allow yourself to be arrested.Freud can say whatever he wants against defense mechanisms, but without them, you’re defenseless. It always thinks that it is a good bear, a proper bear, that a bear-hating world has it out for them in particular. Green The first thing you do after taking the green pill is become a sparrow.Your sessions are spent in incisive cutting into your clients’ deepest insecurities alternating with desperate reassurance that they are good people anyway. You knew, in a vague way, that men thought about sex all the time. But you realize that if you were as horny as they were all the time, you’d do much the same. You soar across the landscape, feeling truly free for the first time in your life.Sometimes you forget how incompetent everybody else is. Nobody wants their spokesman to be a bodybuilder without a sixpack, and although you used to be pretty buff, you’re getting scrawnier by the day.Your personal trainer tells you that you only maintain muscle mass by doing difficult work at the limit of your ability, but your abilities don’t seem to have any limits. I don’t know what came over me.” Then he walks off. “But don’t touch me.” He seems a little put out by this latter request, but the heat of his passion is so strong he would do anything you ask.But you didn’t realize the, um, content of some of their sexual fantasies. You make it about five minutes before a hawk swoops down and grabs you. Orange You never really realized how incompetent everyone else was, or how much it annoys you.Turns out there’s an excellent reason real sparrows don’t soar freely across the open sky all day. You head back to Earth less and less frequently now. You were a consultant, a good one, but you felt like mastering all human skills would make you better. The next day you go in to advise a tech company on how they manage the programmers, and you realize that not only are they managing the programmers badly, but the programmers aren’t even writing code very well. The layout of their office is entirely out of sync with the best-studied ergonomic principles.You will explore the wonders of the ocean depths within the body of an invincible killing machine. You visit the Amazon Rainforest, the Sahara Desert, and the South Pole. You wonder how the Curiosity Rover lasted so long without dying of boredom. You bounce from industry to industry, usually doing jobs for the people at the top whose jobs are so important that the need to get them done right overrides their desire to avoid contact with you.Well, long story short, it is totally unfair that colossal cannibal great white sharks were a thing and if you had known this was the way Nature worked you never would have gone along with this green pill business. It takes about a week before you’ve exhausted all of the interesting tourist sites. One year you get an offer you can’t refuse from the King of Saudi Arabia.




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